Thursday, 24 May 2012

Alternatives ...

24 May 2012
Mood: Comfortable

Went back to see my Dermatologist yesterday and was advised that I can decrease my cortisone intake, which I’m glad. But not decreasing it enough – maybe because I feel so much more energetic again that I feel like I don’t need to have anymore.

At the same time, as much as I say that – I know that I have to go with the medical advice more than my own thoughts.

So, I knew the cortisone does make me gain weight but I never really knew “how”. It was just based on the observation through time that it was noticed that weight was gaining upon me. It was actually not even something I realised was from the medication itself, more that we just thought I had started eating more.  But getting back on this, I thought it would start absorbing all the foods I eat which made me fear for everything I ate.

Little did I know, it could be controlled – to an extent. The medication actually makes me feel very peckish, makes me feel like I constantly want to eat. Makes me want to eat more food, the food I just eat will never satisfy me – I just long for the food I cant really obtain. I’m not much of a sweet tooth girl, but lately I’m constantly craving for something sweet.

Ice cream is always in the freezer, but I never have the urge to go get one. But I do now, it’s there – it’s sweet. I want it. It’s tough, training the mind to be stronger than the want pushing. It’s hard for me to manipulate a third person, let alone myself.

So, after talking to people about how I’m feeling with taking these medications they all came up with the one advice, which I have taken on. Replace with a healthier alternative.

Mum acts fast, after spending an afternoon with her and complaining (as a normal girl would do) about being on this medication and how it’s making me feel the need to eat more, she acted immediately. I came home from work today, opened the freezer simply because the need to open it was there whether I really wanted anything from it was irrelevant. Frozen yoghurt was already sitting in there waiting for me.

When parents are expecting, all they ever wish for is for their newborn to be healthy. That is all. Again, like I said eczema is nothing – but I do give it to my family to have taken this journey with me. It has not been emotionally easy, and for a few years physically for me. To wake up and feel so much broken torn up skin that I was bed ridden.

Every time I look at my mum and aunties, I start to ponder – if I’m ever half of what they are when I’m a mother, I’ll be lucky or is it my children?

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